I came to Gili Air for a special reason. Four years ago I met someone here whom my heart connected so strongly with. Never before, not yet since. Four years later I found courage and clarity to return, to meet memories, to be reminded and to let go. Some close friends know this healing leg of my journey to Bali and I am writing here to share with you too. When the boat touched the shoreline my heart was very loud. But it wasn’t pain or hurt I sensed, it felt like coming home.
For the first two days I combed the island by foot, recognising old places and some faces I remember. It wasn’t as hard on my heart as I thought it’d be. I visited the places I had been to “reset” memories, and go to new ones to build new memories. The healing was mechanical but it worked, to a certain extent. I repeated “thank you, goodbye” by the ocean and in meditation I was guided to let go not just that past connection but also of the ones who have left me by death in this life. Love on earth while it lasted, transcends time and space.
I extended my stay for another day because for the last few I was still somewhat living in the past. It was on my last day that I fully arrived. No more chasing. No more alteration of past and present. Slow long strolls, wherever my feet takes me.
No more searching eyes and seeking solace or new joy. Stillness. I begin to enjoy the sacredness of the island in her nature, the mosque’s call to prayer, the locals’ eyes. In a qigong class last morning the teacher said, “until you have fully arrived in stillness to experience the presence of being, you can’t move on just yet.” He was speaking about moving out of a qigong pose and into another, but his words hold much deeper wisdom for closure.
SHENAYOGA 