I had a rough day at work and in my head. When I reached home fully drained, my parents were just about to head out for dinner. “Join us?” they asked. “No,” I coldly replied. They were in a chirpy mood tonight and I always love it when they are like that. Tonight though I was caught in this self-pity bubble — all I could think of was me.
They decided against going out and mum started preparing noodles for us. I felt even worse then, but still I glanced at her fresh veggies in the wash basin and said, “don’t cook mine.” If I could I would’ve smacked my dumbass head then — I saw a flash of surprised and helpless look that was quickly replaced by a smile. She left noodles for me anyway. “Don’t eat it if you don’t want to, I just made extra,” she said gently. Stubbornly I took none and made cup noodle. My dad who doesn’t usually eat dinner finished his portion and mine quietly. He washed the wok. I sat to eat my cup noodle. It sucked. And I realised I sucked too. I had a rough day, and I was trying to be nice to everyone around me the whole day. Yet the moment I got home, all my grumpiness was unleashed onto those I love, who unconditionally want to lift me up.
I turned to mum and told her sadly, “my noodle sucks.” She simply laughed and agreed and continued making lighthearted conversations with me like I wasn’t being such a brat just minutes ago. My dad chirply joined in. They were eager to chat and happy to hang around this grumpy old child. It’s 11pm now, they are asleep. Before they slept I walked into their room to tell them, “thank you for taking me out of that grumpy mood.” They just casually waved me off with goodnights.
I wasn’t gonna write this for the public, it’s pretty personal. But I just read @pig.ments post with these words “I loved you at your darkest.” My eyes got teary. You know, it’s okay to have a bad day, it’s okay to feel shitty and like crap. It’s not so okay to take it out on others (and we usually do it to the people we love most) but it’s okay to allow others to see your darkness at times. Because those who stay, matter ♥️
SHENAYOGA 